Unveiling the Shame

 My purpose for creating this blog is two-fold.  Firstly, I want to lift the veil of shame I have lived under since being disowned by my children.  Secondly, I hope to offer some hope or comfort to others experiencing estrangement from their adult children.  I do not claim to be an expert on this topic.  I am learning to cope as I go.  Perhaps what I have learned and will continue to learn can save someone else some time and some grief.  I certainly hope so.   

I gave birth to two childrn.  I helped raise two step children.  None of them speak to me as of this day.  I have not seen or been in the company of my children in over ten years.  I have no clear understanding of why I was fired as a mother.  They each stopped communicating with me at various times.  I don't think it was a coordinated effort.  I don't know if they speak with each other.  They have quite effectively cut me out of their lives.  I am not privy to any information about them.  They have rejected all attempts I have made to see them or talk to them in a meaningful manner.

I have kept this estrangement a closely guarded secret from all but a very few chosen family members and friends.  It has shamed me and secluded me for many years.  I have feared that if people knew that my children have disowned me I would be harshly judged and deemed unworthy of friendship.  The burden of this shame and secret has been great.  It has crippled me at times.  It has at times, kept me from living a fulfilling life.  Then I found out I was not alone.  It gave me the strength to hope that I could lift the veil of shame and come out of hiding.  

So here I am.  I am an imperfect woman learning to forgive myself, learning to lift up my head, and learning to reveal myself again.  It is a relief to write these words and to share this truth.  I won't carry this secrecy any longer.  My children have fired me, but I am worthy.